That if anything happened to me like I said would one day before hubby karks (just because i have imagination), I am very very suddenly worried hubby will become so insane he will end up his rest of life in a mental institution. That is so fucking scary and I hope god is not so harsh with him. To this day, he is dead set on always saying everything he wants to say when he argues. Because he says what he utlimatelysays is always interesting. As arrogant as that sounds, very often hubby can have interesting intellctual point to make and is long winded so we hear him eventually if we are patient. But the thing is he never learned to listen. That is a crucial skill to heal. He is totally unaware of my work and gets offended if i introduce buddhism concepts as he says he is quite 'knowledgable' in this religion....ha ha h ah....he only knows the jibberish many people cannot master anyway. The total unuseful daily stuff. Unhelpful for practice of ethics and kindness (though sometimes I am sure the emptiness jibberish of old sutras can enlighten some about the nature of phenomenena and calm down their anger when they recall the emptiness teachings. But I really doubt hubby is at that level of depth in buddhism. He has too much contempt for me when I discuss it.).