Maybe I wont die but be debilitated to the max by eps serious side effects? As I was told, 'the future is unknown and can only be met with optimisim'. I really feel like I am at the end of my life. I am very weak. And the side effects of the meds are now very felt. I doubt after this life God would let me suffer from terrible disease or side effects for more than a year. Of that, I am rather convinced. There is a thing called NMS or something like that: it comes with fluanxol and is fatal. Fluanxol unfortunately is one very very old medication and we hope this Lilou life will help polish the orginal ingredients into better medicine. I LOVE fluancol but as it is, it is not good like it will be later after research is finished. 

I feel spacey this morning, like yesterday morning. More easily confused and tender. It is as if I am always kind of stone. I pass out at 5 or 6pm every night in the last few days. And sleep a solid 12 hours nonstop. It is a bit sad yes, at times. But that is just life: sad and beautiful. Dont forget please the BLISS I can feel at times. Fluancol is a bit tragic in my case I suspect, but what an amazing medicine anyway! To have known such ether and ease and compassion in my mind was worth EVERY BIT OF ABUSE, VIOLENCE AND SHIT I have ever lived since I was born.