...but it is the sheer amount of cigarettes I smoke at night that appals me. And frightens me. I will take a walk, another one, soon, to go get herb tea to avoid coffee and black tea today. 

I am a bit sleepy but it is ok. Mom also slept badly (not at all) last night. I had flashbacks, under the gorgeous sunny morning, of my youth in Toronto: being dead tired after bad sleep and enjoying the sunshine the following day despite it all. It was a nice flashback and it made me feel young again. I have to push myself out of the house more often: I will smoke less cigarettes then.