...especially now that I have come to realize that what matters to God in the end, is HOW we treated each other. With my blogs and emails, I have a terrible record. Yes, i was super sick says the merciful people. But it does not matter to me: I ENJOYED my anger way too much to not be held accountable from God. It may excuse me to some people when they realize how truly mad with hatred and PTSD I was. But I know God gave me meaning by  showing me how taking responsibility for my anger and indulging it, whether I was sad, depressed, psychotic, PTSD or just plain suffering, is the only meaningful thing to do. I am a pretty wholesome person.