Why God do I feel so sad tonight? There is so much Love in this wolrd, it makes me sad and I dont know why just right this instant.  I feel discouraged at my lack of tact and grumpy nature. Misunderstandings stress me out to the max. Though I pretty much always do what i want no matter the carefully examined consequences (young me anyway, careful as I have been at times though), I worry a lot about doing the wrong thing in social setting. Especially to kind people. Misunderstanding with my family has been the bane of my existence. They never ever trusted me though I was super reliable. So I felt unkown and misunderstood for the longest time with them. It was a source of great anguish to be scolded for things that made no sense to me. Sometimes I think I can communicate really well. Other times, it is an utter fiasco. I am glad I still meet with my therapist every two weeks. I am changing nowadays. It is not scary, it is mind boggling to feel and see and be so zen and full of Love and seeing it in the world everywhere too. I dont understand tonight why I had to go through all this though trials all my life for so long. Now I am so zen though. Everyone has been extraordinarily nice to me since 2020. Why did i have to be so messed up for so long to become zen eventually?? I really cannot handle having another anouk lavigne life too quickly. The despair was so painful to my mind and psychee. It was heart wrneching all along. Nowadays, all is so set up to be nice and the mood is perfect and hubby is sane again. But I am sad at the woes and sufferings of my life. Why do we have to suffer so much to become so with it in the end in terms of peace of mind?