Sending all these emails over the years, so crazy and hateful, was disgusting. But I was ill. I have also had amazing visions of compassion while being alienated from everyone. Hard to believe, eh? I have learned from others, in buddhism books, that such visions do not at all mean you are a saint. They were amazing visions of love and compassion everywhere I looked for a good two weeks. Around 2015 or 2016. It was pure bliss in a very real sense. I have never had that to such a degree ever again. It was so very beautiful. Amazing. Yes, but they say in buddhism books that these such visions can happen throughout your life as a meditator. That they come and go. They dont mean you have reached enlightenement despite being so amazing.