the hostility and anti social streaks of mad fierceness were fun to a certian limit. I understood something rathet nice this time: It was not holy to insult anyone. Everytime I had to endure rapes and death, i remembered this: well anouk, told me God silentely, after all, you know you are a saint and yelling is not very saintly- go purge your anger now by suffering to purify it at the hands of demons. This I always understood. I always had a firey temper: my dad hated rasing me and found me too difficult. Caludette has no memory neither does that excpet one picture of me wth Granddad.