The heights to which I have risen in meditation is the best truly. I can now sometimes avoid being gang banged while chained because of it! To me, that was the truth of this kamma. Not the truth maybe but its ultimate gift. The turht was: can i love despite being hted only all my life? Belive it or not, I am nowhere as much of a master of that very very excellent skill. For this reason, my childhoods coming will all be pretty bad. Only when God. is  satisfied to give me another gift will I be ready to have an easier time.