He is scaring me too much. Afetr I cooked a meal neither of us ate (he was not hungry so I put it away and I had no appetite), he went uspatirs again without tlaking to me. When he came down to walk the dogs, I asked if he wanted company on the walk. He reply abruplty 'no'. I told him about what I had done while he was away earlier. He started getting angry at billy and shoved him aggressively for no reason, calling him a stupid dog. I told him to calm down gently, and he told me to 'shut the fuck up' and stormed out without Billy (thank goodness he had that much wits about him to leave him here). It is aweful and he is getting dangerously irrational, blaming me because he is ashamed of having had a terrible nervous breakdown or tantrums for no reason this morning. It is possible he always was a bit like that, volatile, and a bully in his jokes, but it is getting scary as he gets older. If only I could really on going to my parents for 3 months with Billy until I find a place for us both, him and I. The mental health system is way better in quebec and I am super connected thanks to my sister. No matter if my parents cannot open their home to me, I would find a way to move if we sold the house and BJG went to get treatment in NZ for a while. He is so hateful it is unbeievable. Or maybe it is just angry? Whatever it is, it is mad and scary.