I think we will lose billy to cigarettes. Its going to be so very sad if that is the case. I hope he survives the heat wave. God is grand and he wont make me weep forever if that is the case. I really want to die soon, people. Hubby is really hard to live with and I see very little hope that he will change at all without DBT therapy.

It is 3H30am. Billy woke us up choking. I took him outside for fresh air and he felt better. Now he is on my bed as I smoke downstairs like a mad chimney of a truck. Decaf is being made. Cigarettes is really evil. Yet it feels so very good. It is my one serious vice and it is very potent. Billy has a real problem with his teeth: they are so very bad for such a young dog. I suspect by 6 years old, he should have his two canines dealt with on the upper part of his mouth. He already had the two lower canines chiseled short because they caused pain for 8 months in the roof of his mouth. I have been convinced he would die very young ever since we got him. I did not know it would be cigarettes that would kill him young.