The first signs of my illness came as obsessions about people. It is no longer the case. But this symptom lasted a good 20 years. now, and since about 2016, the symptoms are delusions very wild about reality , the future, reincarnations and cop stories. In more ways than not, to me, it is way more pleasant to be deluded than obsessed about people who want nothing to do with me. But the ones closed to me really suffered from my delusions since 2006. I became very outspoken and negative , even hostile, to my parents. Why the fuck did i ever get ill in the first place and why did I feel ill as a child too? I felt totally fucked up in my mind and heart all my childhood. The hostility in the house was high against me. I must have given my mother post partum depression and she hated me for it. There must be a secret about my birth because the hostility was too damaging and abnormally intense otherwsie.