I have to keep being wiser than I have ever been. It is hard because I want to have fun and I am just so buddha that i feel very ordinary. I am really overwhelmed by this life and will be glad I believe to try something totally different next. I am glad to leave evryone except brian. So I will haunt him for a while if ever I die before him. but in truth, i will be far far far away...it is just my energy he will meet.