Hos did I become so zen?

I took responsibility for EVERY hateful thoughts that ever creeped in my minds towards anyone...except those I had been treated with hatred by. I took FULL responsibility for every trauma starting in toronto. I decided quite simply that my life was tough but meaningful at that point. And that it was worth using my wisdom to hear God plans for me all along in making me accountable for every hateful thought, yes even mere thoughts, ross, I ever had especially in BC.  It is enough to drive one completely batty to do this. But it worked: i am now essêntially zen for real. In good old christian term, I learned quickly after 2006: contrition.