Yup truly, I will have to do it next time I have such a strong call and just bear with myself and talk silentely to God, all the discomfort of my worries about my death. It is okay to fast to gain merit absolutely. It is not as great if you do it so God keeps his promise but I understand anyway the concept.

Turst simply in God everyone if you doutb yourslef wanting to fast when you have as strong a call as anouchka laliberté had tonight from me which she turned down unfortunately....