Hubby and I were very far from each others mind but not hearts during those trying crazy BC years. I think around 2020 is when I saw spirits in him as energy rather than him only. I saw Dogen that way one night when hubby was super stone and so was I. I dont think I ever prayed to him at the time though the feeling was awe. Let me do it now in memory of this energy so called Dogen to me: In you master of beyond death, I bow in thanking you for your inspiration and skills. I have benefited much from reading you in my 20s and Your genuine heart touched my mind so much I go to meet you in a dream. To you I pray in gratitude for your wisdom.

Hubby simpy sort of 'disappeared' in 2020 we were so far apart and I was hallucinating just his ego when no other energy was there. he was also not doing well with such a sick wife at home. We fed off each other I supposed depsite being estranged in the same house for a couple of years. Those were some bad years together. It is hard to marry a mentally ill person, everyone. But the hearts connected throughout it all. So despite our shortcomings, I have nothing right nw but praise for hubby to have stuck by me and allow me shelter when I was that far wild.