I have understood something rather convincing with God: every toughest life is followed by easier life. Every easier life is followed by a nasty life of woes and proving once more to God our devotion when we are unlucky. Why? Because we are only human so we are in yoyo samsara rebirths, where only God judges us and picks our kamma. We can always confide in Her what we want most next though. If it is not too foolish, we can often get it.  I had one superbly foolish wish I should not get at all- have exceedingly sane and generous parents  next. Truly, only if I was to live a nasty adult life would that make any sense as a being looking for compassionate teachings from buddha and God.  What would make sense to me for God to give me such amazing childhood of sanity? That in that life, i must marry for chidlren only. Turly, being a good parent is the bext reason to ask for sane chidlhood. This is just my kind of equanimity in thinking about myself and my reborths to come.

What I did not like AT ALL as a young child as far back as I remember (about 1 or 2), is the deep DESPAIR and alienation I always felt with my family. This is all resolved by now. It may have been foolish to be so adamant to God that he gives me great beings to raise me next. If she does, which she very well may actually, know I die killed by my husband. To save my two children. I have been adamant that my next parents be of high depth of wisdom. So much that i KEPT on saying God could do whatever at all She wanted next with me as an adult  if I got that next lifetime.  I really hated my chidlhood though it was much privileged. I dont know why anymore. Snobbery?