I have said once that my 15th dalai lama party religious leader life was previous to this anouk life. 

I had many visions as a high priestess of tibet circa 2020.

The only way I could make sense of ever havig been the 15th and being so sick in this life, was punishment. But clearer visions. So maybe just a super different lifestyle as anouk and totally not adored by anyone except two men. My original sin is vanity- it fucking gets in the way of my teachings. To get rid of this effect, God made me, in my mind, MUCH MUCH trashed by hubby and strange men though I am no longer ever a whore in centuries previous. I dont mind being trashed and came to think very little of showing respect in couples over showing our truth of heart. I thank God for all the trashing in some sense: it was the only way to not be vain yet a deep mystic.