I was contemplating going to the funeral for support for mom and myself for the upcoming death of my godmother.  But when i reflect about it, I realize no one is interested in my presence there. When I sent books to her three children I grew up with, quite close to at a young age though I am 5 years younger than them,none of them emailed me back nor tried to reach out.  i had prepared a neat small package of books, 2 or 3, for each with a letter. I heard nothing back from them. So I think i would just be an alien on that scene. I wanted to go for my godmother too but she will be dead and wont care. I feel so unloved by people of my youth in montreal and the eastern townships.  i think it would be awkard to be there plus,I cannot smoke cigarettes anywhere. May i hold a ceremony with hubby at home here, or in Mundy.  My godmother would understand that i dont feel close to her children who ignored everything about my reaching out to all three of them, about two years ago. No one cared growing up and that is why I felt so sad and full of despair.