Yes, truly, I dont see it.

If any of my flahsbacks were ever truth of traumas I have lived, then I have been martyred as a baby.

But being a saint is something esle then just suffering and having visions.

My standards for saints are rather high.

I just read a master who claims there is no division between holy and profane.

I suspect everything feels blessed when you are a saint. That is how I see the wolrd though I am no saint. A saint is always kind and I use harsh words in my language.

So simply,someone with experience of the real world nasty who manages to never hate anyone anyway. Not me. It is simply that i was thrilled to think of myself as a saint rather than a martyr. More inspiring to me. But Bikkhuni is right: that is just the ego. A saint helps everyone. I help only animals. And only because I truly love it. Mother teresa for sure proved herself way more helpfully than me as a truth of catholic saint. At the best, i am a child martyr that is all. My adult life was tough but fun and way more easier than childhood.