I am so very very messy in this lifetime.

The house is filth upon filth though never any bugs and total mouse control thanks to cats.

So very unzen.

I understand zen as stoicism. not as being a slave to the wolrd of appearances. Dsicipline simply for the sake of prettyness and sytoicism though we may feel like crap. It works for some people this extreme tidiness. I am on the other end of the spectrum: quite literally, the witch in japan, who appears filthy to sinners so they are not tempted to love me for the wrong reasons.... Like Marilyn Monroe said, 'if you dont love me at my worst, you sure as hell dont deserve me at my best'.  Point is, everyone is judged in how they react to my looks. i admit it, i am downright hideous with my smile in broad daylight. sad a bit but whatever. in the legend, we will say i chose to appear ugly. Whatever. it is God's decsiion for my teachings to be efficient in my living time and legend.