Truly, I am stilltoo mad toooften in emails to have truly awaken here and there. Itmust be something else.Like a high resonance vibration and energy.

It is very pleasant to me when I feel it alone. And sometimes with strangers. Truth is I drink way the heck too much. This is why I go so loopy.

May I sober up nowadays.

Like tonight.

I suddenlyrealize I consume way too much alcohol and cigarettes. I had two good months from ciders when we just got the new puppy.

But I have been shit faced drunk last week, though it may have been only three pints of 5% ciders.

As I dont eat much,I get drunk quickly.

All this drinking and ensuing mad emails to my loved ones is very painful for those who love me. And I am ashamed each time I come out of these drunk rants and reread them sober.

Why do I drink so much? I have everything I need and even excellent company. On top of having 4 amazingly gloriously lovely pets. And a good family and great inlaws. A roof over my head and not much huge nasty stress nor duty calls.

Except to pets,hubby, family and meditation and buddha.

This is an expensive lifestyle not to mention rather indolent.

May the boddhissatvas Green and white and blue Tara come to my assistance and help me quit the ciders.