Well, it is a very nice depth but how much I must have suffered to become who I am now so at peace though judgemental to the max. My sufferings were truly very deep. After 30,i decided that God existed and would showme the way so I lived dangerously and became homeless. This was NOT the worst of my sufferings at all nor whatsoever. but I did meet a lot of evil fucks.

Meeting evil fucks for not too long and whom you really dont like is way easier than being raised like I was.

My suffering was so deep with these people, my family.

I have residual despair like a memory still aching in my chest tonight thinking of them and all those years with them.

It is mostly because of my years with them as a young child and youth I think and of course the rest of the trials of mine, that I have become so deeply still  or calm and at peace. But it scares me to realize it is simply because my sufferings, despair, was immense. how it hurt!