Only by 2005 did I throw it out the window, this self discipline, as I became too broken to practice it mindfully and especially, willingly.

Dont be too hard on yourself if you are a drug addict or alcoholic. learn to practice moderation and harm reduction, simply. The practice of moderation is excellence , like any prayer.

I go totally wild when I am drunk. It is always embarassing later....a proof of my alcoholism.