It is 9 am and I am at 10 cigarettes in 3 hours. not great by any means. I cuddled Charote lots this morning: how I love this beast! It is certain in my mind that all beings, whether insects or animals, can attain enlightenment. This goes against Bikkhu Pannakara's beliefs who thinks being reborn a dog is always a punishment. And that ever being reborn a human is hard for animals.

As i said, my belief is that we are continuously alive and when we die, we simply wake up in the next womb or egg of our rebirth. om shanti om! I think I am reborn in hell for a few days as a spider. To learn to forgive real or perceived mistreatment from my family, and the spiders shall be vicious with me. And this time I will totally shut up to them about it. This was cruelly lacking in me in this life: too much unwise rage for not much harm done and much much love by now. I totally lacked patience and my ego was too big to take order and humiliation and love anyway. frankly, i was unwise now that I think of it and i recall how big and selfish my ego was at 5.

You know what my problem was? I never accepted my mother as she was: i demanded she be a saint. Time will tell. She is wonderful truly with me most of the time, quite innocent and a darling.

Her pure something is obvious.

As far as I recall, no one is prefect right?And Grandma was fucked up.

Om mani peme hung