Despite the crazy as heck scary outburst after being unreasonable himself, of hubby, I am surprisingly at peace. i am focused on working for Laurel's tribute and memory. And polishing a couple of texts with him as the lead, for the memorial. BJG truly hates me super deep: he quite frankly sees me as an ennemy to combat on all front. He not only takes none of my advice or suggestions, but he gets crazy angry when he gets in trouble and I call him out for it, for not heeding to wiser counsel than his crazy angry angry mind. I never understood why hubby hates me so much. He really does not see me as a big deal in his life. It si so strange. he has been my everything and I adjust constantly to his moods.  Peaceful  survival skills of mine. He only wants to fight me to death, it is so immature or fucked up.

UPDATE

I prayed om muni muni mahamuni yeh svoha mantra (Buddha mantra) for Laurel's energy I am thankful for. I prayed with the mala for a while, but not a full 108 mantras recitation.

I am at peace and much love felt for my two pups who caused a ruckus for about 1 hour inside for a while. I am not sure why hubby is so blind to peace and love. He always was the fighting type.

I dont really have timeto feel sorry for him i must say but I focus on my loved ones whom feel like they really adore me, not hate me, unlike hubby.

UPDATE 2

As in after each crazy angry outburst so shameful and out of control, hubby passed out in his bed, room closed.

He has since just woken up and I sure as sure came to the living room to avoid having to see him in the kitchen when he comes down.

Here he comes...wish me much blessings.

Hardy is all over hubby. It looks like he will become first and foremost his cat now that Laurel is gone. Which means he will be let outside often throughout the day on beautiful sunny days and other times too...I have asked God and Buddha especially to help me be at peace with this change of scene with the cat. It is as if since Laurel's passing, BJG is even more crazy set on giving outdoor times to Hardy. He will become hubby's cat. amen.