Wha a horrible time with hubby whom disliked ferociously that I told him with a wink he had been a bit 'duméb' today for not waiting for me at the starbucks like we had decided afer my dentist. WE have no phone. He was waiting at the dentist instead of having gone inside to ask if I was still there: i had left 40 minutes ago. He got in a HUGE fury for being called gently a bit dumb. He calls me a bitch,an idiot, a stupid woman, a crazy woman, an unwell woman, and a childish woman daily. But he freaks out if I do the same to him. He said he was right to insult me always when he does but I was wrong to insult him today....crazy, right?

Communication , reasonable communication, is out of the possibility with hubby when he is flustered.

Even when he is calmer. Everything is always my fault, he blamed me for 'lying' to him for not knowing the appointment would be quick though I mentionned it to him as a possibility. I am very very tired of him but cannot live without him healthily nor happily I dont think. I cannot wait to die on him, without suicide as I am too well for that.

He has zero empathy nor calmness mindfully in him when he is upset. The amount of insults and meanness I got for having mention that he was foolish to not have checked if I was done or not at the dentist...was big. And he blamed me for his mistake saying I had 'lied' to him....his use of words is outrageous in everything he always accuses me of. He says I like to feel superior to him when I dont buy a coffee and he does. He is mad as a hatter and I told him last night that he was crazy to think that. He has zero trust in my love of him and thinks I am an ennemy to fight each time I disagree with him...which is often. What a war thinker moger he is...certainly never peaceful. Nor a peacemaker. We are so different in our aspirations. I dont really want to rmarry him ever again unless he learns the truth of respect and depth of caring and loving healthily. And  me too.

As it is, we are two HUGE losers who cannot live in love and peace together though we have always had everything cooked for us and served, figuratively speaking. We are pathetic as a couple.