Fear not for me, gisele and everyone....I am totally at peace with the spontanoeus here and there belief in it for myself in a future life. It inspires me simply however silly truly it is to think that. And I still pray to him. His presence in my heart gave me superpower of endurance when I was tortured. I feel very close to Him.
I have described my very amazing state of mind , infinitely painful psychically and physically however to maintain for me, at lenght to tibetan nuns.
I was a goner for 4 years though I wrote many stories and poetries in the meantime and lived at home. No cops no hospital though I was weird to the max, but totally non violent.
I was basically allowed to be mad as a hatter and living in a quite simply another realm, other realmS, in my mind. It was gloriously enlightening.