BJG whines all along and calls himself 'just a drug addict'. he is very dissatisfied with his lifestyle and who he is by now. Sad. Yet never attempts to decrease any cannabis.

his state of mind sounds helpless and he is an atheist. 

He does not even believe in life after death so never gets over mourning of anyone, even 20 years later. I feel for him and seem incapable totally of enlightening him in any way much.

He is stuck in a rut of tired grumpiness at the little frustrations he encounters. May he find zen beneficial one day.