I have taken two natural melatonines. It should tuck me in to bed tonight. I worry that BJG and I are truly doing poorly. The house looks like a drug den plus dog hair everywhere real quick. We are happy I think and having a nice time to reconnect this year in better terms than the previous 6 years. But pot and cigarettes (for me , cigarettes too) are really destroying us. I am curious to see how BJG will adjust to return to full time teaching after such a nice year to heal and take care of each other. He said to me recently I had been an horrendous influence on his life. Throughout all these decades. I know it is hard to live with me since 2008, because I started caring a lot about you, idiot. 

UPDATE

I have discovered leftover Baileys from two weeks ago. So nice and comforting to have one port glass of it. Billy sleeps next to me. I am very dizzy. I puked. The only food I ate today for real: eggplant slices with tomatoes etc. And orange juice. And nuts. And two bananas and a fruit bar. Plus many decaf coffees. With loads of milk. I don'T know what to do in january when hubby goes back to work. For meals. He does not eat anything anymore.