It is hot outside but I am in my cool house. Billy is with me. I feel okay, just a bit sad. I have asked hubby not to buy pot today nor tomorrow, told him it would be good for us. I dont know if he will resist. He seems to have no wishes for sobriety. And a healthier lifetsyle.  I am so drained by his violent scary tantrums. And constant accusations. I am not as tired of life as i was in 2020 though. Back then, I would beg God to come and get me. Brian's temper was unbearable. I wonder how I will die? Probably just a sickness due to cigarettes.