I have not been up at 8pm for at least a week or two. The realizations of the day have a bit agitated me, understandably I think.  How can hubby love me when I am so dysfunctional at times? I dont get it. He lost it last month when I was not doing well but apologized since then. He needs support too to live with me and work full time at the same time .

In fact, I can easily turn into a bundle of fear. Sometimes, the unknown really gives me anxiety. Other times, I take it in strides or for the ride. But I can really cower in fear at life at times (like when cops came twice last year in spring). I think I am now easily pertified by fear.