This practice I must love and cherish and do. I am at a crux in my life: time to improve as I start meditation practice more formal again and read on it. I have to get to know myself better, who I have become and will be becoming with improvement of my practice of awareness. I am  so lazy it is wild. Life is so comfortable as it is but I have to get moving and change too as I have a few very expensive and bad habits. I have a bit of professional help now at last that I enjoy. I am grateful for that. But I have to learn to be alone again. It feels very important to me right now.