Today was a cold shower from reality and my mental health in the last 6 weeks. Now I want to dream. Sigh. Though I have stopped insulting people to their face for no reason online and in emails ( Thank God! That was the worst it could be!), I have a lot to change still, tweek or learn to cope better with. 

I am generally more positive I think and optimist than i was in late october and in november when I had what i am pretty sure was a bad eps side effects. My GP does not seem to be aware that prolonged use is associated with more eps even if no eps were there in the first place way back when meds were started.

But tonight, after this cold truth about my health after 16 years on that med, I want to daydream about something or someone pleasant. I have to read more also. I have indulged so many fantaisies about different people over the decades that hubby can be excused for his aggressivity and moody behaviour. Everyone esle would just have dumped me although there was never anything real with these far away people in my life, in the orbit. Just daydream, escapism from hubby's bad moods. He has really been through a lot. So did I.