As long as I have been feeling sad and fearful today, now I am happy and almost joyous. I just spent 5 minutes petting Whiskey who took refuge on my bed, unsually so.  He is so super old and so healthy it is remarkably amazing. Two years and a half ago, our black lab retriever Apollo (the one I said was reborn a bear) passed away. I have just had a thoguht: what if a miscarriage is just a result of the bardo of a child to be developed and born in a woman. Last minute bardo change sort of speak?

I am stone tonight and listening to Mingyur Rinpoche on videos in 2018 at the London school of economics. Rinpoche is very very impressive by now and so much clearer even then before. Also, I am older and more experienced by now so maybe more open to his teachings which unsettle, today?