Because I have a very very sad and deep feelings about alienating the people I love the best. Or the most. Or so much. Knowing I may have distraught them causes me much agitation and mortification. This disease online, my disease, part of it, is very strange. I dont undertsand why I think to say anything is okay in an email? It is as if there is no filter and I indulge every crazy thought I have with everyone, even those who would rather not hear them.  Now I truly finally see it as deep disrespect in a very valid sense, in my core, beyond reasoning. That is the only way to make me change. Hit the core of mine. Love and respect go hand in hand. For the longest time out here, I did not think it was the case anymore.