Cranberries was playing on youtube on my thread. Listen HERE for a throwback

I love the visuals of this video by the Cranberries. The world is so handsome and beautiful. Except maybe for the old toothless white men who look very very old and a bit scary, I feel only boundless love for all the faces in the video. Sane people. probably anyway. Kind. Maybe. They are easy to love. Not like me: crazy, rude and wild.

I have made not a single person truly happier for knowing me in my whole life. I have benefited very few if any. I have been of service to no one. My illness has really fucked my dreams up about saving the world. All I have developed is an aversion for the lifetsyle and morality of my old two best friends after I saw the real world of canadian street life. I have trouble with the fixation on appearances of being okay rather than being okay and on what others think, of my parents. My family. I have become totally alienated from everyone and quite ill turly. I feel a bit of deep anguish realizing this. As Meatloaf plays in the background for soothing effect of teenager daydream and charms...sigh. How tacky. 

I look also at tracy Chapman in her Fast Car live video HERE. Sane people are so appealing and charming. All I see is pure beauty in Tracy Chapman. I discoevered her by borrowing the tape of the mother where I was babysitting in my home town at 12 (she had three kids).