It will be so very hard but I trust in whatever happens thanks to God. I am not really allowed to wallow in stressing out publicly about all this as truly, I am fucking blessed, and happy to the max. I have made I hope a new freind in the last week. A good mate out east we rarely see who visits once in a while. Quite close to hubby. Chinese buddhist chants song and the asian flutes and erruh play. I turst I will learn to be humble always no matter how happy I am with my life. it is my biggest sin: pride. When all is peachy, I wonder never enough about how to pray deeper to thank God about all She or He offers and gives me so abundantly. these days, today and last night especially, were spectacular for good feelings. All day pretty much, yup. To be honest I am bewildered at how good I feel after such hatred in my mind and heart soiled for so long that yet has finally been cleansed and I have been healed. We must marvel at the miracle of our good feelings when we are blissful like I was today. Me, I just dont want to let go of these great specatcular feelinsg and cry to god when I realize ohter things will come than good feelings only. but turly God, thank you for what you know I enjoyed so much with everyone today and with God, You of all and my loved ones. God says I am truly a bit of a douche bag at times wiht ny judgemental attitude hostile to the max to everyone who has never done me any harm consciously in their bodies...Turht is I feel the vibe to the max. Beyond what others may be aware of with them. but certainly anouchka, you speak up too loud when I try to talk to other people and you write mostly because you benefit yourslef more than others....