Hubby yelled at me all morning. I cannot cope anymore with his screams. He still says he would not be enraged if he lived alone without me. That is rage is because of me!! ah ah ah....How ignorant of his own self he is! Today I really want to die. I see no future if brian looses his job and goes nuts again against me. He has been punished so much and yet he still does not understand his own actions and responsibility in his rage.In 2021, I begged God to kill me. He refused. When can I stop having to EVER fucking deal with hubby's unreasonableness at blaming others for everything in his emotions  and rage?