I was just so bruised all along and to lose BJG's job in the end is too depressing. I dont have it in me to look at the future about us. It looks grim without a job ever again. I feel like such a loser truly. All these hardships just to end up in dire poverty without insurance for my meds. I am at the end of my rope, green tara. I pray I see my family again under better more easy conditions. We have all hurt together for and because of me and each other. I feel so alone in the wolrd here with hubby and pets. That is a nice feeling though. My parents have spent night unable to sleep, and have cried much because of me. I am so tired to have been such a burden to everyone. My self esteem was nasty for so long. Its not fun to make other cry because you suffer. But I know they love me, they just are not that close to my mind.