That it the truth everyone. I am super disappointed by my mind. But it is at last healthy and zen. And I finally have something that is said and being heard I think. I only feel depression looking back at my life. To have been so mean in words and enjoyed it so much in emails is pathetic. I am very blessed maybe not bad, but I am not a giant of my living that is for sure. I am a broken mind who got healed by the miracle of life, fluancol, risperdal, choices, regrets and kamma.