I understand nothing.
This life was a punishment for the ego only. In turth, I had plenty of help.
Mom, dad and hubby. Not everyone has that much help when they are fucked up.
I am trying to cheer up and muster endurance: to awaken, we must go through very tough lives like this one.
The feeling on my deathbed? Glad to leave....with thanking God and everyone's energy with me forever.