Yes really, i am on my at least fourth small joints since 8pm. It is almost 1am. No booze at all.

Ciagerttes are the truly impossible for me to control and cut back let alone cutt off competely. But I have a call necessary duty to do it. How? I fast and practice and ask for merit to earn to let go completely and not too crazily harsh of cigarettes as soon as I am ripe for success. 

I was looking at Billy's needs these days. he will one day cost another fortune because his teeth are so bad. And he LOVES being the favourite of ours,  me certainly.  He may be a bit too spoiled with cuddles and attention it seems to have made him very whiney while he was waiting for me at the shelter with hubby. And have we mourned Tummo for long enough? Are we giving her any time of our day? I speak to her daily at the shrine and recite mantras and prayers for her benefit and our sapsirations for wisdom, peace of mind, ,enlightenment and compassion and love.