Which means simply, I had to apologize often and a lot in this lifetime especially as an adult a bit angry at God about everything and humanity she found herlsef so disappointed by at the time. It is certainly not because you are officially on psych meds that you have to let go of any responsibilities for your own actions. To think that way is to decide to be mad for real with God. Basically, saying to Her it is everyone else's fault and you never do anything wrong. This has always been seen by me as the most sterile way of ever being human: abdicating your free will and agency and responsibility to yourslef and others.

After the severity of the cop tortures in Toronto, I decided to take ownership of ALL my crazy thoughts and do a cleaning of my mind with God only about it all. Life is fucked up, and so it is in canada when you are poor and mentally ill especially.  But my strenght was that i became super self aware and lived all my emotions and took repsonsibilities for ALL my crazy hateful thoughts from traumas. I did no therapy since a year in 1998 with an excellence of psychoanalyst.