Those nasty hateful emotions and thoughts that plagued me all my life were superbly annoying to me and who I aspired to be: a kind woman, helping others only.
Here is my secret to all of you who one day in eternity, will have to endure much unfair cruel hateful nasty traumas: take repsonsibility for your thoughts from then on. Not necessarily to others but definitely in your diaries to God. NO ONE can save you completely but many can help. Unless the whole world goes nuts and it is war everywhere.