i am finding deep deep peace with everyone in my family. I sent them heartfelt real emails for once which did not insult them.

I am a fool, and have been stupidly enraged for the wrong reasons to yell at them so much.

I was simply a mangled child but it was not my family's fault: life had mangled me pretty seriously by 2 years old.

If God is good and merciful, he will make of me a holy inspirtaion because to be honest, I am fucking inspired by God and buddha and Jesus and even Mohammed. But the truth is I may simply be a naive foolish dreamer who loves everyone in the end of her life. Like John lennon, yea.