see me as a child of Jesus who just lived a tough life but also wonderful, an who has an amazing imagination that helped her survived the horrors of her childhood which had nothing to do with her parents.

I bow humbly to my family and ask them for their forgiveness and new love though they have already given it to me, for all the foolish insults. May truth of pure Love be the ultimate flavour from me to my family, so nice though very different from me. But maybe not so different in the end. I was a ignoramus hipopotamus.

It is as if a huge burden of 49 years old of false beliefs about my family was lifted. I had been mangled and they found it hard to help me out along the way. I was very mangled by abuses before them.

I see now the real love of my sister with me though she had proven to be a bit of a scrooge when I was on the street, sober and just sick.

I have been insulting everyone of them for at least 20 years since my big traumas in 2006 again. Traumas make me enraged. And my utter bad luck as a child too.

But they have always been totally innocent of my mental brekadowns due to traumas.

Maybe they were selfish deep down, but they do love me. I need deep deep love, not superficial smiles just because it looks good for the family. They have never abandonnde me except sister who is pretty idnependent.