Poverty and material difficulties.

This used to be the case when i was young and traveling and admiring the world, but much more seriously when I became an adult without any fucking money from family, quite wealthy.  i was sick but I felt invincible. Poverty never scared me back then and I enjoyed hard physical tests like cold showers, sleeping on dirt or cement, hunger and physical strenuous exercice. I have always admired the stoics ethics of hygiene in lifestyle. 

as an almost 50 years old, now quite fat , heavy smoking lady full of broken brain and broken spine and feet, i love ease and material comforts.

Maybe I am this nun I dont know whom at sati saraniya.  I highly approve of her teachings though her voice is so soft I dont know how she does it to not make everyone fall asleep or start crying.

I feel STRONGLY drawn to her adventures and path as a mendicant nun across the world or wherever she went seriously.

I consider her BY FAR wiser and kinder and way more meritorious than me. I suffer: she teaches. She is not a star and no one huge knows of her. Perfect nobody nun of great affiliation with my heart. I dont see my ugly vanity anywhere in her soft repenting at times and meritorious voice. I would be much happy if I was her in about 100 years. Finally, I stop being obsess with changign the wolrd and being famous in history. On the other way, if she ever was my current man, past or future (future no doubt), i am flabbergasted at her total lack of anger by now. Enjoying material disconfort can do that to people at time: it makes them, when they find peace in it as a vow, almost so zen that all anger dies.the resolve of pure devotion makes miracle happen.Could hubby ever be so quiet as this nun?