Yes, Buddha says it will be a very nice purification this life for my future enlightenment and aspirations.

I definitly would never say it was an awful life though: many perks and delights found too.

but the burden was sadness. And hatred and despair.

It will be very nice with God in the afterlife.

I will learn much more about selflessness in my next life and practice it constantly as much as I can. This life feels so very fucking selfish: it was only bout me and buddha all along.