A bird is singing. How tough was God with me as a youth and all along. This is certainly my most douche bag life since forever except one rebirth in the plague in italy way way way back.

The day has started and I shall be happier in my writing though I feel like hell. It is hard not to be disappointed by my family life as a child. I will never ever forgive God unless I can REALLY become a pro at pity for everyone. Which seems to be simply what God sets me to perfect forever until it is excellence of pity at all time with everyone. My dream is to understand pity as a child next lifetime. I may have easier family in my rebirth, a family that will trust me completely and give me serious responsibilities at a young age. In such conditions, I can feel pity easily as a child says jeuss. My mother was quite the piece of work with her crazy mind about the way the world works...very very extremely infantilizing all the way to 21 years old of mine, my first psychotic crisis and only one.