How I wish every story I sent my people about evrything that has not happened yet were all true. But I have not that perfection right now and everyone must deal with my crazy mind too who loves me though they know I may be quite sane most of the time too.

The story about the spay of charlotte was pure paranoia. She is spayed thank goodness. I dont know why the paperwork was so suspicious but whatever, it is totally accurate.

I am so scared for my family if I am truly as advanced despite occasional numerous crazy stories. My sufferings were immense with them: they are not about to see paradise is what I fear. Dont mind my crazy stories: know my heart is darn soft and cozy when I love people. And if it is not cozy, it can be something deeper like full of pity. This is what I have for my family. I am very scared for all of them. May they quickly be overwhelmed with teachings on the generous spirit of Jesus Christ in what is to come. 

So they understand why they fucked up so much with raising me:miserness was all of them's trait. I understood dad however as simply penny pinching for himself too for a while so enjoining us to do the same. But where is jesus christ in this family?

i really cry for them tonight. They are very very ungenerous people with the poor and direly in need, in their family.  I know money is not everything nor the only way to show love of course. But I had NOTHING and was not with brian, and they wanted 600$ back that they once had lent me because I was desperate. Thing is, when you are on welfare, you are rather always desperate here and there. Sister may have been so very fearful that she would have to pay much for me. But sending me her used clothes with flashy red used tong was NOT generous! It was charity. i felt all my life I had to beg to the women in my family. I never did with sister though that is why she did not give me 600$. But she treated me like a dirty beggar.